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Thursday, March 1, 2012

VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES...... ( I will now duck and run)

 Just for the record.....
These were forwarded to me by one of the inside sales girls at my tool supplier...
She's in her late 20's and has a GREAT sense of humor...

Thank R. :)

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always..

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..
Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.


  1. Don't run in a straight line...:)

  2. Probably not a good idea reading these in bed, I was rolling with laughter and of course the wife just has to know why, so I tell her I'm reading jokes. Big mistake, now she insists I read them to her.
    good news is I only had to read a few, bad as I'm no longer in my warm bed... (okay Im actually still in bed but she gave me THAT look and rolled over, so its now a little colder) good laughs though so thanks!

  3. @Stopsign..Thanks for the tip ;)

    @Coolchange.. I submitted papers to change my name..LOL

    @ McDeux... glad you enjoyed :)

  4. I'm curious; how long have you had this death wish?

  5. @ Bob G... right around the time I found out how much i desired women and how much trouble they cause :)

    I would say back in the early 80's


  6. How do you get a woman to pick cotton?

    Light the string on fire.


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