Saturday, May 26, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
A Day in The Life of Barack Obama
6:02 AM – Prays.
6:03 AM – Brushes his presidential teeth with presidential toothpaste. Flosses. Thinks about war.
6:05 AM – Plays with Bo.
6:07 AM – Plays with Joe Biden.
6:30 AM – Does some cardio in the White House gym. Then resistance training (low weight, high reps for toning). Remembers how much life he has the power to end at any given moment.
7:15 AM – Showers, grooms, makes sure he is presentable for the entire world. Asks Michelle if he looks cute today.
7:45 AM – Gets a folder from the Secret Service packed with highly classified information about wars and terrorism and celebrities hooking up.
8:00 AM – Eats a delicious organic, artisanal breakfast made especially for him. Reads the papers. Feels a little hurt by all the criticism. Takes it out on the crossword.
8:45 AM – Talks shop with Bono.
9:30 AM – Goes for a walk in the Rose Garden and mulls over the state of the Union as well as his place in history.
10:00 AM – Meets Michelle at an elementary school in Champaign, Illinois to speak about the importance of eating vegetables.
10:45 AM – Goes on “The View” to talk about the WNBA.
11:00 AM – Balances the budget?
12:00 PM – Prays.
12:15 PM – Drops into favorite local burger shop in Fargo, North Dakota for a lunchtime photo-op.
1:00 PM – Has tense meeting with Hu Jintao, the implications of which could lead to world war.
1:20 PM – Looks out an Oval Office window and thinks really hard with his hands on his hips.
1:25 PM – Shoots some hoops with George Clooney and Russell Simmons.
1:50 PM – Meets with campaign staff to coordinate strategy for the hundreds of official branches as well as unprecedented grassroots efforts all across the country fighting for his reelection.
2:00 PM – Prays.
2:15 PM – Blasts “Power” by Kanye West on repeat and vetoes some bills. Laughs and shakes his head.
2:45 PM – Surprises the troops in Afghanistan with a visit, sings along to Kelly Clarkson’s performance.
2:50 PM – Ignores weird text from Joe Biden.
3:15 PM – Pets farm animals in the White House garden with schoolchildren.
3:50 PM – Records a video of himself talking about the importance of creating jobs that 800 people will watch on YouTube.
4:30 PM – Gives out medals to the Denver Nuggets.
5:00 PM – Prays.
5:15 PM – Phone date for some real talk with the Hilldawg.
5:50 PM – Ignores same text from Joe Biden again.
6:00 PM – Helps Sasha and Malia with their homework, enjoys lovely conversation with Michelle in moment of perfect, Hallmark Card-style family bliss.
6:20 PM – Meets with defense team to decide who to kill that week.
7:00 PM – Hosts State Dinner for Mexico.
7:20 PM – Looks out at the crowd of people gathered there, and wonders what it’s really all for – this lavish gesture for a vague sense of international unity. Considers his role in the world, his sense of existential belonging, and whether he’s really helping or hurting anyone in the grand scheme of things.
7:25 PM – High-fives Stevie Wonder.
7:40 PM – Ignores Mitt Romney on the way out.
8:00 PM – Locks himself in the Lincoln bedroom for some much needed Netflix/alone time.
9:45 PM – Gets ready for bed, puts on those presidential PJ’s.
9:55 PM – Texts Joe Biden back a one-word, dismissive response.
10:00 PM – Prays.
10:10 PM – Kisses his framed picture of Karl Marx goodnight.
10:15 PM – Looks himself in the mirror and says, “As usual, one for the books, B. Ya nailed it.”
10:30 PM – Puts in his headphones, gets in bed next to Michelle, and bumps “It Was a Good Day” by Ice Cube.
3:42 AM – Woken up by text from Joe Biden, goes back to sleep.
From HERE
The Girl In Front of Me ....
...at the McDonald's drivethru ordered this:
I wonder how her pancreas is doing right about now?
I wonder how her pancreas is doing right about now?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
The Dark Side of The Maldives....
This is what you see when you google pictures of The Maldives....
The Maldives are known as an unspoilt, paradise island destination for upmarket tourists but the BBC's Simon Reeve has paid a visit to a part of the Maldives that tourists do not see - a huge island waste dump.
He was accompanied by local conservationist Marie Saleem who explained how the country struggles with waste management.
The Maldives' government told the >BBC< they were looking at ways to tackle their waste problem.
Well it appears there is a darkside.....
The Maldives are known as an unspoilt, paradise island destination for upmarket tourists but the BBC's Simon Reeve has paid a visit to a part of the Maldives that tourists do not see - a huge island waste dump.
He was accompanied by local conservationist Marie Saleem who explained how the country struggles with waste management.
The Maldives' government told the >BBC< they were looking at ways to tackle their waste problem.
Hank The Farmer.....
A large jet
plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky . Panic stricken, the
local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force.
By the time they
got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left
smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm. The sheriff and his men
entered the smoking mess but could find no remains. They spotted the farmer
plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over
to the man's tractor.
"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"
"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"
"Yep. Sure did,"
the farmer mumbled, unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine.
"Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States ?"
"Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States ?"
"Yep."
"Were there any survivors?"
"Were there any survivors?"
"Nope. They's all
kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me
most of the morning."
"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.
"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.
"Well," the
farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't...but you
know how bad that sumbitch lies....
Do you need a mental vacation?
Well here's your ticket to boilerdoc's NSFW trip that you will enjoy.......
Click the ticket for a nice mental vaca......
Click the ticket for a nice mental vaca......
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Timeless Charm
Handcrafted from classic materials, copper and glass, gas lanterns look as great today as they did when they were the most modern lighting available. A gas lantern gives a historical and timeless charm to any modern home or business.
Copper gas lanterns have an authentic aged appearance because they are an authentic recreation of one of the oldest means of lighting cities and homes.
SO, You're Riding Along on Your Motorcycle When...
... all of a sudden....
Click the picture for the story...
Click the picture for the story...
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
G-nite... A Twelve Pack of Rule 5 Babes to Celebrate!
In celebration of the 1,000,000 page view milestone that I reached today,
here is some definitely NSFW rule 5 girls.
By clicking on the bottles you agree to acknowledge the fact that you might see some nakedness.
here is some definitely NSFW rule 5 girls.
By clicking on the bottles you agree to acknowledge the fact that you might see some nakedness.
BONUS
R.I.P. Eugene Polley....
Amid all the ballyhoo over what a bold visionary Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg
is, let's pause for a moment to appreciate the work of Eugene Polley,
inventor of the TV remote control, who has died at age 96.
>STORY<
>STORY<
How to Prove You Are NOT a Racist......
Do you like him any better white?
No? Me, neither.
See, you're not a racist.
No? Me, neither.
See, you're not a racist.
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
Don't
tell me your age; you'd probably lie anyway-but the Hershey Man will
know!
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
This
is pretty neat.
1.
First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have
chocolate (more than once but less than 10)
2.
Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4.
Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the
calculator
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1762 ..
If you haven't, add 1761..
6... Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You
should have a three digit number
The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).
The next two numbers are your age!
H/T to DAN A.
The Feral Irishman Gets One Million Hits!!!!
Earlier today The Feral Irishman hit 1,000,000 page views according to Blogger.
I am humbled and greatly appreciative to all of you that stop by and lurk, laugh , gasp or shake your head.
Many of you leave comments and send me emails of things to post, thank you.
I appreciate all of the support and I am amazed at the fact that my little corner of the web as gotten to this point.
Thanks again!!
PISSED
I am humbled and greatly appreciative to all of you that stop by and lurk, laugh , gasp or shake your head.
Many of you leave comments and send me emails of things to post, thank you.
I appreciate all of the support and I am amazed at the fact that my little corner of the web as gotten to this point.
Thanks again!!
PISSED
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