Friday, December 13, 2013
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This Morning's Traffic Tie-up Caused by........
... this gang as they sauntered across the road......
Thursday, December 12, 2013
From the inbox.... don't blame me.....
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large
chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there
and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had
your will power.'
chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there
and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had
your will power.'
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said, 'Sorry
about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it
eventually'.
about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it
eventually'.
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the
bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said, 'Any Change?' I
said, 'Nope, you're still black'.
bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said, 'Any Change?' I
said, 'Nope, you're still black'.
Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8
inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like
that!
inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like
that!
A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man
passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this
morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father
O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last
thing on my mind at the moment.'
passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this
morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father
O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last
thing on my mind at the moment.'
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since nearly all of the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a
bacon sandwich works best!
But since nearly all of the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a
bacon sandwich works best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman
with her mouth closed.
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman
with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself, 'I'm going to take that.'
could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself, 'I'm going to take that.'
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a
farmer in the fields and shouts to him, 'Where am I?' The farmer
looks back up and shouts back, 'You're in a basket you dumb shit!'
farmer in the fields and shouts to him, 'Where am I?' The farmer
looks back up and shouts back, 'You're in a basket you dumb shit!'
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the
last question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have
the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer... hell, how did I
know they wanted the name of a country?
last question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have
the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer... hell, how did I
know they wanted the name of a country?
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT
the correct answers.
commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT
the correct answers.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
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