Some Senior Wisdom...

 

·        The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

·        Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

·        Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.

·        When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.

·        Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”

·        Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

·        If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

·        “Your call is very important to us.  Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo".

·        Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

·        I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.

·        Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud

·        Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

·        So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

·        I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

·        I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

·        If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

·        Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

·        Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't

·        You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

·        Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work

·        "On time" is, when you get there

·        Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound

·        It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-

·        Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you

·        "One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house. 

 

      H/T to JB