On Some Things Opposites Can Agree...

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah  when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and  unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a  similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert, and  as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the  injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily  armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily  armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along  the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum  bag who got what he deserved. He yelled back that Barack Obama is a  lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an  American!”

So then I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a  frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well,  so does Nancy Pelosi !"

 

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road,  shaking hands, when a truck hit  us!"

H/T to my good buddy Pitdogga :)

Your Friday Morning Blonde Joke....

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University , and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.

Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

H/T to Tom H.

The Blind Bunny...

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.

 

'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.'

'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?'

'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny.. 'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'

The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?'

The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well, what kind of an animal am I?'

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied,

Show Your Solidarity as Americans!! .. a plan

There is less than a year until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States. 

The person elected will be the president of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans. 

To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we come together, Democrats, Independents, and Republicans alike. 

If you support the policies and character of the Republican party, please drive with your headlights on during the day. 

If you support Obama, please drive with your headlights OFF at night.

 h/t to Tom H.

How to Golf on Christmas Morning......

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf,

One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it ! We'll make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune!

I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

The second guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home
planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

The third guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.

"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.

I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry
Christmas ! It's a great morning - intercourse or golfcourse'

She said,"Don't forget your sweater."