We received about 20 inches of snow this week. So ….
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it should have been two snowmen instead.
8:22 - The transgender man / woman / person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and are not to be used to decorate snow figures.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:30 - I used food coloring to make one of the snow couple a different color and be more racially inclusive.
8:37 - Then I was accused of using a black face on the snow person.
8:39 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be completely covered.
8:40 - The police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The 'council on equality' officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything, marched down the street demanding that I be arrested.
9:45 - The boss called and fired me because of the negative association with work that had been all over social media.
10:00 - I cry into my drink because all I wanted to do was build a snowman...
Moral: There ain't no moral to this story. We are doomed.
H/T to Navyvet
Not funny at all, very close to home that parable strikes.
ReplyDeleteSocial media the neu Statzi.
And if you made snow angels..... you'd still catch hell.
ReplyDeleteSnow balls! Icy what you did there. You should've let the snowman himself rumage around the bag of carrots; you're not supposed to pick other people's noses
ReplyDeleteBa-dum-tsssssssssssssssss
DeleteWhen snows here I'm building snowman!
ReplyDeleteFJB and his 81M sheep
Victor
Damn, wish we would get snow so I could offend that well
ReplyDeleteBetter yet build the same with a plaque of the story on it. Throw in the Israeli and Palestein flags.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Pal estein every single time
The answer to the first complaint should have been, "F__k you, mind your own business.
ReplyDeleteI realize it's a parable but I agree. Go build their own whatever they call it.
DeleteThat's the true moral of the story -- don't play their games, don't apologize, don't grant them any authority by bending the knee.
ReplyDelete