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Saturday, July 16, 2011

Paraprosdokians......is not an Armenian Family

The definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a
      sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a
      humorous situation."

          "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of

          1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
      and beat you with experience.

          2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my

          3. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

          4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
      putting it in a fruit salad.

          5. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then
      proceed to tell you why it isn't.

          6. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
      many is research.

          7. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted

          8. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In
      case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

          9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

          10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
      street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

          11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of
      a successful man is usually another woman.

          12. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

          13. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
      parachute to skydive twice.

          14. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
      live with.

          15. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down
      so they can't get away.

          16. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

          17. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

          18. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
      whatever you hit the target.

          19. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

          20. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

          21. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you
      wish they were.

          22. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
      Department usually uses water.

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