I got this in an email. H/t to John B.
The
English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have
therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to
"A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The
Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been
used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The
French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level
from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and
"Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's
white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy
has
increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate
Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and
"Change Sides."
The
Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress
in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a
Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians,
on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried
about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The
Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a
really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia,
meanwhile,
has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate."
Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the
barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has
ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
A
final thought: Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and
Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 401 BC.
by
John Cleese – British Writer, Actor, Tall Person and friend of an Irish
saint
No comments:
Post a Comment
Leave us a comment if you like...