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Thursday, July 20, 2017

"Her last words to her daughters at 9:35 a.m. on the morning of her passing were “Whoopie Shit”! "

 Now THIS is an obituary to be proud of:


Weary of reading obituaries noting someone’s courageous battle with death, Mom would like it known that she passed away as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctor’s orders and raising hell for more than seven decades.

 Mom was born in Wadena, SK and was the second oldest of eight children born to Sidney & Doreen Skaalrud. Mom married Bob Osborne and they were both long time residents of Balzac on the family farm. Momma worked at different places throughout the years. Sear’s, Western Breeders, UFA and the Balzac General Store. When she wasn’t working, she was busy raising her three children, stirring up shit and creating a legacy for herself.

 She is the original founder of our famous celebrity Groundhog ‘Balzac Billy’. Every Groundhog Day she would have newspapers and radio stations calling from all over the world to ask if Balzac Billy had seen his shadow, and boy did she give them stories. She would reply with “I’ll go out to his hole and wake him up with a spiked orange juice and then I’ll let you know what the little asshole’s prediction is”. She also campaigned and was officially declared ‘Mayor Merle’ of Balzac by Jack FM radio station. She retains that role and will eternally govern from up above. 

She and a dear friend were instrumental in organizing New Years Eve celebrations where all proceeds were donated to Star’s Air Ambulance. Together, these two were successful in raising over $20,000 for the organization. Mom also loved helping family and friends. At Christmas you would find her wandering around Airdrie, handing out cards with monetary gifts in them to complete strangers. She also loved her Arizona homes, and Ozzie’s Outback (that she purchased for a legacy for her grandchildren). She absolutely loved playing games ‘The Great Canadian Boat Races’, ‘Pinchy Winchy’ and Greed to name a few. She was notorious with her thousands of ‘Merle’ism’s’ (“Eat Shit”, “How much do you charge to haunt a house”, “You’re not wired for 4/40”, “Suck it Up”) and in complete Merle style, her last words to her daughters at 9:35 a.m. on the morning of her passing were “Whoopie Shit”! 

Mom enjoyed socializing, dancing, booze, parties, garage sailing, shopping, FarmTown, drawing, curling, horses, leather tooling, taxidermy, skidooing, camping and gardening. (Not necessarily in that order) Rumour has it that Senior Executives at Dollarama and Walmart called an emergency meeting to brace for the impact of the anticipated drop in sales. We have been so incredibly blessed to have had this feisty, mischievous, smart-assed, hilarious little lady in her our lives. We are also grateful for the many valuable lessons she taught us. 

First being: Never throw anything away! Take all the tabs off of empty beer/pop cans because they will buy someone a wheelchair don’t ya know. Always fold plastic bags neatly and put them in shoe boxes and don’t forget to crush eggshells for your garden. Mom left behind a hell of a lot of stuff that we have no idea what to do with, so if you are looking for alot of 1970’s tupperware, twenty extremely old 1970 record players, some stuffed real crocodiles, folded plastic paper bags, eggshells, a partridge in a pear tree, you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch. “Tomorrow will be fine” –Haha.

 We will forever remember her infectious smile, her extremely animated joke telling, her warmth, her energy and her complete love for life, family and friends. Losing a Mommy is one of the deepest sorrows a heart can know, but her goodness, her caring, her wisdom lives on in her legacy of love that will always be with us.

 Mom/Bomma/Sis was our everything, words cannot express how very, very much we will miss her. No Mother and daughter will ever live apart no matter the distance between them. God Speed our Beautiful, one of a kind, unique, precious Momma, it’s not ‘good-bye’, it’s see ya later.

We should all be so lucky to be remembered like that. 

h/t to one of my readers


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