Friday, May 20, 2022

On Mom and Dad....

 

   It's been a long couple weeks for sure.  

Mom is a strong woman from French Canadian stock. Her 86th Birthday was earlier this week

and she had to spend it in the hospital. 

 

Back on Thursday May 6th she was concerned about getting her license renewed. She still

likes to get out to the market and the dollar store to get essentials. When she got home in the afternoon

she called me at work and excitedly told me she passed her renewal test and she got her license.

Friday afternoon May 7th she called and asked if I could stop by to check on my Dad.

He has been suffering with the curses of old age which, as many know, is such a sad situation.

Alzheimers, dementia , sundowners, confusion.

Mom and my brother have been caring for him for the past two years as he has slowly declined.


I talk to Mom on a daily check-in and sometimes will get Dad on the phone for a bit. Sometimes

it would take a minute and he would be coherent and other times not so much. I would visit 

as time allowed.


The Friday I stopped by Dad hadn't been out of bed for a day and I think Mom calling was

for me to give her the confirmation that it was time for home care or adult care facility.

I spent time with him, he was uncomfortable but didn't really have any specific issue he 

could identify.  Mom and I talked later about the next phase.

Over the weekend of the 7th and 8th Mom started coughing and had congestion. I spoke with her

both days and she sounded sick but "it's just a cold".

 

Monday morning my Brother called and said he took her to the hospital. She was

admitted and tested positive for Covid. My Brother did the lions share of taking care of Dad

over the weekend but said Dad had a cough as well. Other family members close to Mom

and in the healthcare industry told me it would be best to call for an ambulance to transport 

Dad to the hospital due to Mom not being at home.


Monday, in the afternoon he was admitted and tested positive for Covid and had "covid" pneumonia.

Everyday I spoke with the nurses for each of them to get updates. They were all very pleasant

and comforting. Since both of my parents had covid , visitation wasn't allowed.

 

During the past week, Mom, physically was getting better, but mentally depressed as to being 

stuck in this "god d**m" hospital room in an uncomfortable bed and getting no sleep.

Speaking with the nurses, I pushed to get her released as the atmosphere was debilitating

more than the illness.  They had various disciplines check on Mom and all agreed she

could be discharged but still needed portable oxygen and will get a visiting nurse each day.

 

Yesterday I picked her up and was a bit shocked at how frail and old she looked.

We gathered all her stuff and I loaded her into the truck and brought her home. She cried

when we rounded the corner to the house. I cried.

 

I stopped in front of the house to unload her and all the supplies and she complained that a 

light was out in her front lamp. "Mom, you got more shit to worry about than a bulb"

"I know, but what will the neighbors think?"

"Who gives a shit" I replied

We laughed

Then she said what I had been avoiding.

"What are we going to do about Dad?"

"It's not good and now's not the time" I replied, "We can discuss it later"

 

Getting her changed and set up in a comfortable chair with her oxygen you could visibly 

see her coming back to life. Her color returned to her face, she had some real food, not the 

"shitty hospital crap" and the light returned to her eyes.


Rewind a couple days to Wednesday the 18th. 

I received a call from Dad's Dr. He had been stable for awhile but the pneumonia was

back.

During his stay they were not able to give him a feeding tube and he was not able to swallow

without choking. This was something that started happening at home in the past few months.

His Dr. was extremely caring and compassionate as we discussed options and the 

outcome of the chosen path.  It was decided to keep the IV and antibiotics and we discussed

the possibility of an "emergency event". As difficult as the words were to say I said

"Do not resuscitate, Do not intubate". We chatted more and his demeanor was very calming

and understanding. I reached out to other close family members and all were in agreement

to this path.

Yesterday, early afternoon at work,  the Dr. called again with an update and explained that 

Dad was "uncomfortable".

I told him I was going to discharge Mom and get her home. My thoughts were to hopefully

get her well enough to go see Dad before the inevitable.

I asked the Dr. if they could administer something to ease his situation and I needed to focus

on Mom. 

While tending to Mom at the house the hospital called again. Dad was not doing good.

We talked about care and comfort only at this time and moving him to hospice at the hospital.

I told the Dr. I will be there in 20-30 mins to see him. He said he looked forward to meeting me

and would change the protocols.  As I got in my truck 20 mins after that call my phone buzzed.

again it was Dad's Dr.  " Hi John, this is Dr. *** I'm sorry to tell you this but your Dad has 

passed".  We talked a bit about the next steps but I couldn't carry the conversation. We agreed

to talk today.

I left to get the prescriptions for my Mom and clear my head. 

A few calls to other close family members it was decided to wait until today, after Mom rested

and had a good night's sleep in her own bed, that I would tell her the news. 

When I returned from the pharmacy she was doing really good. 

I set up a plan with her and my brother for that meds and the oxygen and told them to expect

a call from the visiting nurses.

I was hoping to not have to tell them about what had transpired an hour ago.

There was the sinking feeling in my stomach , as I sat there, that she would call the hospital to

check on Dad.

"What are we going to do about Dad?" she asked.

"It's not good Mom"

I told them, through tears, what had happened and I let her and my Brother digest the news.

We all cried.

Through the tears, the talk turned to all the stuff they did taking care of Dad and the funny situations 

that would arise sometime.

I explained the whole situation and how it came to be.

The Dr. had told me there were two nurses in his room when he passed. They were

preparing to change the protocol to the "care and comfort" we had chosen and never 

got a chance. I have solace knowing he wasn't alone in a cold white hospital room.

We agreed to have a clergy member to visit with him and administer last rites.

Today I will call the funeral home.


Looking back with tears in my eyes it was actually a blessing how this all transpired.

Dad would have been in assisted living or hospice sooner than later.

Mom, if she didn't get covid, would have been there everyday watching him slowly die.

Up until a few days before this all transpired they, my mom and brother, can remember

him the way he was. Up eating his cereal and bananas. Watching the same TV show.

Reading the paper, over and over. Asking my Mom "How long have you worked here?"

 

Thank you my friends, It has helped me to write this down.


Good bye Dad, I love you. You're at peace now.


Mom and Dad this past December,









170 comments:

  1. Crappy situation: keep your chin up as best you can. Pluming for you.

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  2. I am sorry for your family's loss. Your folks are the age of my mother. My father past 30 yrs past. The hurt will slowly fade but the emptiness remains. My second dad also developed old timers and passed away just a few months prior to covid madness, so we could visit until his end. May your family find peace

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  3. Lost both my parents -- Dad about fours years ago, and Mom this past winter. I'm still trying to make myself believe they're both really gone. My deepest sympathies.

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  4. so sorry for your loss Irish...prayers for you and your family

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  5. God Bless you. You are a good son.

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  6. My condolences to you and yours on the passing of your father. As Mr. Franks expressed "You never lose what you don't forget"

    wes
    wtdb

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  7. Well written. Godspeed to all y’all

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom and dad look so loving. God Speed.

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  9. God bless you all

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  10. Sorry to hear of your Fathers passing. What a great video of your parents.

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  11. Dammit buddy.
    Dammit.
    I'm so sorry to read this, especially after our recent conversation.
    Now I have tears streaming for you as well because I have been through this and am going through it again with my Father In Law so I know how hard it is.

    Your Dad is at peace buddy.
    You have a lot on your plate still for sure.
    Know that I will be thinking of you all day and give your Mom a peck on the cheek for me.
    She looks like a wonderful lady.
    My condolences to you and your family.

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  12. My condolences to you and your family Irish. FWIW, having worked in "senior care" facilities (skilled nursing, assisted living, memory care units) for the last 16 years, I believe this was a blessing for both your father and your family. Those places merely prolong the pain for everyone involved. I never seen anything as sad and depressing as a once vibrant adult ending their days in a memory care unit. Be glad neither your father or mother had to go through that experience. Best wishes to you and yours.

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  13. You and your mother are in my prayers.

    May the peace of God flood your home friend.

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  14. Sorry for your loss.

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  15. You're a good son. You did all you could for them both, and you recognized it was your father's time. I wish you could have been there with him, but at least he was not alone. My most heartfelt condolences to you and your family. God Bless you all during this time.

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  16. My sincere condolences, Irish. They looked like a wonderful couple.

    Bayouwulf

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  17. Sorry to here that Irish,

    Exile1981

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  18. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. We lost my father-in-law 10 days ago at 95 years old. It's painful but it was time. The Alzheimers and Dementia were terrible. Now we can remember the man he was in his prime. Take care of your mom.

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  19. Our community has a grief center. If there is one in your area I would recommend attending. Three years ago after losing my youngest son my sister insisted I go through the six month program. It helped, a lot.

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  20. Sorry to hear about your loss.

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  21. Trying to write something of comfort but tears in my eyes are making it difficult. Well done my friend. Your are the best ever.

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  22. Irish, condolences is a weak word to use, but it is all that I have. We have had to go through a version of this with my parents as well and I can assure you that not a day goes by that we wonder that we should have acted differently. In point of fact we can only do what we can with information we have at the time. You did; take it from someone dealing with his own parents' memory and health issues that you are a good son. I presume in such cases that our parents know - even if they do not always show it - that we are acting the best we know how.

    Prayers up. And thanks for video. What a lovely couple.

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  23. You're a good man. Taking care of things like that is not easy. That you did proves to me your parents raised a MAN. Well done. My heart goes out to you and yours. Praying for you all.

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  24. Prayers and tears here. I am so sorry! My dad passed 13 years ago and 5/16/xx will always find me mourning. His birthday will find me fishing. 7/12/xx Dad had long history of being medically needy. I learned a lot about sundowners.
    Sending thoughts of strength and compassion...

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  25. Condolances to you and your family.

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  26. Praying for you and family sorry for your loss. I am thankful for this community and for what you do Irish. He is in a better place keep telling yourself that. It doesn't make it easier but it sure helps.

    ps Your Mom looks a lot like my mother in law. I sense that they were a lot alike based on her hair color. That generation are some tough ole birds. My in-laws lived into their mid 90's. I had the good fortune of loosing my job thus allowing me to care for them until their passing. May the Blessings and Grace and Mercy be upon all your family these upcoming days.

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  27. My deepest condolences , to you and your family .

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  28. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope writing about it helped; thank you for sharing. I know it's hard that you weren't there, but at least be comforted that he wasn't alone.

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  29. You did all a good son could do. Grieve but do not assign guilt to yourself.

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  30. I and sorry for your loss. The ugly part of illness will soon pass from your memory and all that will be left will be the memories of your dad in his prime. I will share a warning someone gave to me when my dad passed. They said you'll be walking along or working on something and you will think to call dad and share but then will remember that you cannot. In that millisecond, the loss will hit you as if it were the day of his passing. It happened.

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  31. I know it is hard. My Dad was first to go in the early 2000s. He had a rough life after massive wounds on Okinawa in the Marines after spending over 2 years in the Pacific, being in a Naval Hospital for a year, and a medical retirement. The rest of his life was spent every 6 months in a VA hospital to get back alignment. He finally went after a massive stroke. My mother raised 3 kids with nothing as my Dad went to college on GI Bill and later went to college. They gave us a good life. My Mom passed within a few years of my Dad as life went out of her by not having my Dad.

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  32. Irish, sincerest condolences for you and your family. We lost my brother-in-law to pancreatic cancer this past Fall and it's so hard watching a rapid downturn; especially when everything it totally out of your control. It sounds like the way he went was about as well as anyone could hope for; for both him and for the family. Amongst yourselves, talk about the good times, the funny times, the poignant times. Your shared memories will soften the transition while honoring his passing. Our prayers are with you.

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  33. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. His struggle is over now, and I am sure he is in a better place. I hope that your mom can go on to enjoy her remaining time, it sounds as though she is still mentally sharp and physically able. My condolences to your entire family.

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  34. I am very sorry to hear this news. Knowing that he is once again free will carry you through. It did me when my parents passed. I was going to say recently, but it's been 5.5 and 3.5 years already. Take comfort that you did all you could for your Dad, as you will going forward for your Mom.

    If there's anything that I can do to help, do not hesitate to call me.

    Nemo

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  35. Thanks for sharing. Difficult as it was. Peace and God Speed to you Dad.

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  36. I'm sorry to hear about Dad Irish

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  37. So sorry, bro, that's so hard. So many readers here are at an age where this is part of what we deal with, and you can see how many of us were touched by your post from having been though our own parents' passing. Gonna tell my mrs. to keep you and yours in her prayers back home. I'm sure your mom is proud of you for all you've done.

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  38. Irish,
    I am so sorry for your loss, similar to
    My wife’s experience with her Mom in 2020
    Now is the time to remember what we believe, we live in the sure and certain hope of heaven
    Scoutergreg

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  39. My condolences to you and yours, and will keep you father, mother, and your family in my prayers. Losing a parent is always hard...know that you were and are a dutiful son: they raised you well.

    --ExpatGuy

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  40. Sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom about 4 years back. She was a Kaiser patient who never received prophylaxis after recurrent DVTs, something I didn't know about until I received a call one morning from an officer at the local Police Department. They were called to do a "welfare check" as she hadn't shown up for a brunch meeting with friends. They found her dead in front of her television, likely from a massive pulmonary embolism.

    I was at least grateful for the professionalism of the officer AND the fact that he wasn't able to contact my sisters who lived in the same city as Mom. They would never have been able to deal with hearing that news from a stranger cold calling like that.

    Unfortunately, we all have to expect to go through this as adults. I sincerely hope that none of us ever has to deal with the loss of a child, however.

    RIP

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  41. I hope you find peace in the fact that he wasn't suffering and didn't go alone as you mentioned. I can't imagine the feeling you have right now and I hope that you can get some much needed rest for yourself. Sounds like you've been running on fumes so don't forget to take care of yourself. I'll pray for you and your family.

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  42. I am sorry. I have been there. It's gonna hit you out of the blue months and even years from now. Stay strong, especially for your mom.

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  43. I'm sorry to hear of this Irish. Condolences and prayers sent you and your family.

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  44. Rough situation. Just went through this. I will keep you in prayers. Your site is one of my daily reads.

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  45. Ah, man. What is there to say. What is there to say. Best wishes, brother.

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  46. So sad Irish, my thoughts are with you and your family. I lost my dad a few years ago, was with him when he breathed his last breath. Now as tears stream down my face remembering my dad, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. I visit your site daily, thanks for sharing.

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  47. We don't know each other, but I feel for you buddy. It's a hard thing to lose a parent. Know that he's no longer suffering, and concentrate on your good memories of your father. Take care of your mom.

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  48. I’m in tears. Your story, the compassion and love that your family shares, is so important. Mourning such a profound loss while appreciating those we have in our lives.🙏🙏

    Thank you so much for sharing. My deepest sympathy.

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  49. Irish,
    I'm sorry for your loss.
    Truly.

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  50. So sorry to hear. Hang tough.

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  51. I am sorry for your loss, Irish. Peace be with you and your family.

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  52. Thank you for opening up to us. May the find memories of your time together bring you comfort.
    -Chad

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  53. My sincerest condolences. You're lucky to have had a dad that cared about you and that you loved.

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  54. Condolences and prayers for you and yours.
    Sandy

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  55. No mere words could possibly convey my condolences, nor ease the pain of your grief over your father's passing, but you have my sincere wishes regarding both, nonetheless.

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  56. It's never easy losing a loved one. I hope all our prayers and good thoughts for you and yours brings some comfort. Your Dad was a lucky man to have such a family. May he rest in peace.
    maxx

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  57. Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord
    And May perpetual light shine upon him
    May his soul, and all the souls of the faithful departed
    Through the mercy of God
    Rest In Peace

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  58. I am very sorry for your loss.

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  59. Thanks for writing the above. May you and yours find peace. Amen.

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  60. So sorry Irish. The govt/medical community has really screwed everyone. Directly and indirectly. It's a shame that you couldn't visit them due to Covid protocol. It's a crime.

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  61. My sincere condolences. You were blessed to have your father with you for as long as you have. I lost both parents by the age of 9 and although I had loving family members who raised me and provided guidance in life I was always envious of my friends who had parents.

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  62. I can understand you taking the time to post here, but do take care of yourself first, and your obligations in real space. Cyberspace can wait, and I actually hope you do not attempt to post FFF today.
    A gentle hug for you and your mother. Be kind to your sibs, even if an unintentional sharp word is said.

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  63. Losing a loved one is never easy, but better quick, then the long slow decline.
    God's Peace to you and your family.

    President Elect B Woodman

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  64. The twinkle in their eyes as he smooches her cheek is the most beautiful thing I have seen in a very long time....thank you for sharing it. May the good Lord hold your father in the palm of His hand and give him peace. Bless you and your brother for being good children and your mother for raising you so well - she must be very very proud. I pray we all have people who love us as much as they did each other and endings that are so blessed.

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  65. We've never met but reading your post I felt as those we'd been long time friends. I'll include you and your family in my prayers. From one old Irish Catholic to another, God Bless You.

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  66. Losing a parent leaves an empty place in your heart, but God in his mercy offers comfort with the promise of eternal life through Jesus Christ. This means you will one day have a joyous reunion in the kingdom of God. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  67. Sorry to hear the news, Irish. As we grow up, our parents were always there for us...when they're gone, it's a hard thing to get over, and most of us lose a bit of ourselves when we lose one parent or the other, or both. Strength to you, my friend.
    X

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  68. You have my true and deepest sympathies brother... Carl in etx

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  69. Deepest condolences to you and your Mum. I’ll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

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  70. Sorry for your loss. Both my parents are gone. I miss them every day. Be sure to tell your Mom and siblings you love them. Barry in Alabama

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  71. God bless you and your family

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  72. I am so sorry to read of your loss. The clip of that tender loving couple says it all. So loving a family after all these years. I wish that for you too. Take good care, Irish.

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  73. Heartfelt condolences on your loss. The loss of a parent is a difficult time. Our prayers are with you and your mom.

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  74. I know that these are just words - and words from someone whom you've never met, either - but please know that I am very sorry for your loss and will keep you and yours in my prayers. Every person is different so no one's response to this is exactly the same, but having lost both of my parents I believe that I can relate to some degree what you must be feeling. It's hard but it does get easier with time and with the support of others around you who care.

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  75. Very sorry to hear. Prayers for you and your family.
    DG in StAug

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  76. All of my thoughts and prayers are with you. You parents are blessed to have a loving, compassionate, and caring son. I lost my momma to dance when she was 88 in 2002 and I miss her every single day!

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  77. Deepest condolences, Irish. May he Rest In Peace, with God's eternal grace.

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  78. Sincere condolences for your loss

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  79. I read your Moms lips and the last thing she said to your Dad in that clip was "I love you".
    And now I'm crying.
    God bless both your folks.

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  80. You are a fine son and did everything you could for the ones who did everything for you. God bless you and your family.

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  81. My deepest condolences. That was a great video clip at the end. I'm sure they were proud of you as well as of each other at that moment.

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  82. Sorry for your loss. Thoughts & Prayers.

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  83. May your God be with you and your family in your time of need

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  84. So sorry to hear this--- Shows what kind of high caliber parents to raise a good decent son.

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  85. Condolences, my Friend.

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  86. BillyBob in TexasMay 20, 2022 at 4:16 PM

    So sorry. He's in a better place. Prayers coming your way.

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  87. Take care and make sure you hang on to the happy memories.

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  88. I am sorry for your family’s loss. It’s seems that y’all have had a bit of a hard way to go recently. In my experience, the pain of loss fades over the years the good memories seem to be what we are left. There will always be a void but as time passes it feels less like a gaping hole. I’ll say a prayer and raise a glass to good life lived filled with loving family and dear friends.

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  89. Hi Irish....,
    Prayers.........
    skybill

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  90. My condolences, Iris, this happens to us all eventually - none of us will make it out of this world alive. The passing will rob you of physical presence, but know that Dad will be remembered in your heart for as long as you live. Then, what joy you will have when you eventually get reunited with Family that has gone before!

    Yeah, it's tough, and all of us are pulling for you and encouraging you to keep putting one foot in front of the other while you pass through this sorrowful time. Some of us have already gone through this, others have yet to, so just know that we ALL lean upon each other for strength to carry on. Carry on, Brother, hold on to Mom as long as you can but say goodbye when the time comes. God be with you 'til we meet again!

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  91. You and your family are blessed to have each other. It shows that your Mother and Father were good parents. God Bless you All.

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  92. May The Lord be with you and your family in this time of need Irish. I lost my mom the year before covid. She had COPD and emphysema. She would not have survived the current hospital protocols during covid. Thinking of you and your family. Shamrock17

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  93. Sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing.

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  94. Condolences. So sorry for your loss. God bless.

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  95. There are no words for times like this. Just know that we're praying for you, your mom and your family.

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  96. Dude, I got no words others have not said.
    But you and your family have my condolences and prayers from here.
    We all support you.
    B

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  97. Very sad.
    What a nice-looking couple. And obviously much in love.

    You were blessed to raised by them.

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  98. Me too, Irish. May God comfort you and your mom.

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  99. Sad for you. This part of life is so very hard.

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  100. Never easy, prayers for you man.

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  101. There isn't much I can add to what has been said above but for what it's worth, you and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Phil B

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  102. God Bless You and Yours - Ya'll are in my Prayers

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  103. Sad to hear about your loss. Thoughts and prayers. Losing your Dad just sucks, lost mine in 2008 and think about him daily.

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  104. God Bless you and your family John (also my real name). You sound like a man with the command of the situation and can take the lead for your mother and brother.

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  105. Sorry for your loss

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  106. Prayers for you and your family.

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  107. Sorry for your loss Irish. Never Easy... Prayers.

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  108. "Do not resuscitate, Do not intubate" was the right decision. I'm sorry for your loss.

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  109. Long time reader, you and your family are in my prayers Daily! Gary B

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  110. Sorry for your loss, Irish, it was very much like when my Father passed in 2001, and Mother almost ten years to the day later. I feel for ya man, it ain't easy. God Bless your Mother and all her children.

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  111. So sorry for your loss.
    Tom from E. Tenn

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  112. So sorry for your loss. May God hold you and your mother in His peace.

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  113. I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

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  114. Bless you. Know that we will all see our loved ones again. Peace be with you. And Slainte'.

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  115. Precious family. Take care…

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  116. You did the best you could for your Dad (and Mom). Sorry for your loss.

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  117. Toast from the song – The Parting Glass

    Of all the comrades that e’er I had
    They’re sorry for my going away
    And all the sweethearts that e’er I had
    They would wish me one more day to stay

    …since it fell into my lot
    That I should rise and you should not
    I’ll gently rise and softly call
    Good night and joy be to you all

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  118. May God bless your Father and your family and yourself.

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  119. I'm sorry. I'm jealous you had that much time with them. God bless.

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  120. When tomorrow starts without me don’t think we’re far apart,
    For every time you think of me I’m right here in your heart.

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  121. hang in there, you were there for them in their time of need. I have lost both parents, all my aunts and uncles. it is a season in all of our lives. they raised a good son and taught him well.

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  122. Sorry for yer loss bro. Yesterday -would- have been DeadDad's 80th had he made it that far. I dig where yer at.

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  123. Condolences, this is never an easy time or task. Keep all the good memories to the fore and look after your mom, prayers for the you and the family.

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  124. Watched my mom pass to Alzheimer's. A truly horrible disease. So sorry for your loss. You lose them once when they stop being who you remember and then when the body finally let's go. So sorry you had to deal with the horrors of western medicine under Covid. Indeed, your dad's suffering is over. Remember all the positives.

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  125. John, You are a Trooper. My deepest respect for the way that you have handled all that has come at you. God Bless, and as they say in South Bend, "Go Irish" If I was there, I'd light a candle at the Grotto for you and your family. God Bless. Paul

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  126. I know what it feels like too, Irish. My thoughts are with you.
    Ohio Guy

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  127. So sorry for your loss- there are things that are worse than death. It's hard and will be hard for a while, but it will get easier over time.

    Excellent write-up and much respect for taking the time to write it in spite of the current situation. My condolences to you and your family.

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  128. I’m very sorry for your loss! Both of my folks are also gone. We are coming up on the fourth anniversary of my Father’s passing. I worked for and with him for several summers in high school and then full time after I had married. We did new residential concrete work. I look back at the holidays when I was a young kid not thinking that all of these people would be gone someday but they are. You are in my prayers. Doug

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  129. I am so sorry for your loss Irish. I know the feeling as I just recently lost my dad after taking care of him for the last 5 years. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and family sir.

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  130. I don't know what to say other than prayers for for you and your family. Sorry but I have to go. My eyes are watering real bad and my nose is running. Must be the pollen. We don't Know each other but I come here daily. You are someone I care about.

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  131. Damn, that was a tough read, my condolences. Take some comfort in knowing your dad didn't have to suffer the indignity of a long, drawn out inexorable decline, living in a home where the standards of care tend not to be so good, despite marketing and lip service to the contrary. My dad passed young (in his early 50's) of a massive heart attack. I was there when it happened, and it's still tough two decades later. Readng this brought back some of the pain.

    Do what you need to take care of your own well being in the aftermath of this loss, and keep a close eye on mom, as this will be a tough time for her. Difficult as this is right now, be thankful he got to live a long, full, and (I gather) mostly healthy - until fairly recently - life. One of my greatest laments in life is not having my dad around the last 20+ years. You, your mom and your siblings were fortunate to have him around much longer, so please don't lose sight of that in the immediate grief. One thing that helped me through was to think of something humorous my dad said or did every day after his passing, just to keep his memory vividly alive in my own mind. I still do so with some regularity 2 decades later.

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  132. Terribly sorry for your loss. The ache will never really go away, but you'll learn to bear it. Your Dad was proud of you, I bet, and would be proud of you now.

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  133. My condolences sir. Tough time but it does get better. You’ll always miss him but it gets easier to deal with over time.

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  134. Condelences Sir.

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  135. Nothing I can add will take the pain away. And that is the hard part, I read your blog, love it and look forward to it. I feel your loss, My mother in law passed away after a couple years in a care facility, I would not wish that on anyone. I hope God grants you the strength to be there for your mom and family, they need you now more than ever. Cherish the memories, hold your loved ones close, Bless you my friend.

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  136. My deepest condolences, Irish. We are never prepared for a loss like this. Even when we know it's coming. My prayers are with you and your family. God Bless.

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  137. My condolences on your loss. I've lost a loved one to dementia, and while it was painful, and still hurts at times, her condition would only have gotten worse.

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  138. So sorry for your loss
    MartyB

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  139. Every day is a gift. Remember the good times, I am sure there were many.
    Les P

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  140. When things settle down take some time once or twice a week to think about questions you want to ask Mom-can be anything, like last week or 50 years ago. Write 'em down and ask one or two of them every day. Great conversation starters if you have time. Sounds simple but really tricky to get all the important ones on the list, but the payoff is massive. So many people say "I wish I had asked that" when they did have a chance, but did not.

    We all feel your pain, bro. Take care.

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  141. So sorry Irish. If you EVER doubted (I am sure you never did) the impact you have on our little community, just look at the outpouring of support on this post. This to me represents the heart of conservatism; the REAL compassion we have for our friends. Simple words on this post; not tweets for millions to see and attempt to out-tweet. I would never forgive the government for the rules that didn't allow visitation, but I would certainly thank God for the speed in ending the inevitable. For the "sons" on this blog, we all know that there is a really cool and strong bond with our fathers. Lost mine over 20 years ago. Peace comes more quickly than you might think; remember him forever and focus on the family you have. God Bless.

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  142. I’m very sorry for your loss. They say the memories shared are a comfort, but at the same time bring us grief in knowing they will always be missed.

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  143. Sorry to hear Irish, been through it and I was there when my dad passed. My dad could fix anything, and it sounds funny, but it really didn't hit me for a while that he was gone until I went to call him to ask him how to fix something, even though I was there.

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  144. So sorry for your loss, I myself have been there too.
    Hold the memories close.
    It helps……

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  145. Talk about a story hitting home.

    First off, I’m very sorry for your loss. Even if you know it’s coming, it still isn’t easy.

    My story is a bit different. My dad was pushing 80 and in good health, just the normal afflictions we all gather as we age. Well my sister lives in the same town as him, only a few miles away. She called me on Mother’s Day, in tears. Dad was found dead out in his yard. No warning. No cause of death explained, either.

    Dad was the primary care giver for his wife. She is several years younger but consumed by dementia. She was non verbal and non ambulatory. When I asked, I was told that otherwise, she was healthy.

    Last night I got the call from the daughter of dads wife. Just 5 days after being moved into the skilled nursing facility, she passed away. Dad and his wife both gone in 12 days of each other.

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  146. A year and a half ago for me Irish. It still stings. One of the hardest things is not being able to pick up the phone and call my dad about a wins. I'm going to be 57.

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  147. Our family's prayer will be with you.

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  148. Long time reader. So sorry for your loss Irish. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

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  149. Sincere condolences to you and yours. Wonderful memories slowly filled the hole in my heart after my dad died. Smiles slowly replaced tears when memories struck. May \your heart heal in time.

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  150. Sir, my condolences. My mother is 77 now, halfway across the country, and between age and a hospital-induced respiratory arrest in her 60s, has a number of health and cognitive issues with recent hospitalizations. It's a terrible thing to watch one's parents lose their independence and memories. I think your father was fortunate to have people who loved him so near and with him daily.

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  151. Been coming here a long time, just never commented. Sorry for your loss, Irish.

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  152. Sorry for your loss.

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  153. So sorry for your loss. Remember the good times. Cherish those memories. I'll be praying for you my friend.

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  154. Irish, I'm late in reading this. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear father. Your story moved me deeply and your descriptions were profound and heartfelt. My parents have been gone for a while, but you described the feelings and emotions exactly. May God grant you and your dear mom comfort, love, and fond memories.

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  155. My condolences. May God bless you and give you peace!

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  156. Very sorry for your loss. Prayers your way.

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  157. haven't checked in in a while, so just saw this. so sorry for your loss ... our family will be facing this all too soon as well. our thoughts and prayers are for your family through this troubling time! God Bless and take care.

    Chi.

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  158. Catching up on the blog today. My condolences on you loss.

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  159. What a lovely tribute to both your Dad and Mom. Thank you for sharing. So sorry for your loss.

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  160. Just heard the news from Phil.
    Sincere condolences, Irish.

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  161. Your parents look cool.

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  162. God bless and comfort you and your family.

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  163. Irish, I hope you find peace. I lost my Dad in January of 21 to the 'rona, same thing, pneumonia. He was on a respirator for 16 days. It was tough to watch. Mom was in there also, but she was not as bad. They let us be with him at the end, so I have that. Morrison said none of us gets out alive. No truer words, ever. Hang in there, we have your back!

    Tom762

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  164. You would seem to be a fine legacy for them. Adulthood is over rated sometimes. Prayers for you and your family, sir.

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  165. Irish, thank you for telling your story and for the short vid of your parents. A lot of heart in those two. May your Dad Rest In Peace.

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