Disclaimer///I got this in an email so I don't know if it's true or not
SNOPES says "undetermined"
If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!
This is even funnier when you realize it's real!
Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 on FM dial in
Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Read his letter below...
~Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office.
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office.
I know you've been
feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to
make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell
you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my
job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.
It's a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.
It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water.
It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.
It's a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.
It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water.
It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't s##t for two days because my ass was swollen shut.
So, next time you're
having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a
jellyfish shoved up your ass.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day! !!!!
Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'
Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day! !!!!
Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Funny! But almost certainly not true. No garden hose is going to be able to pass pumped water down to the pressure at any depth requiring that length of decompression. Not to mention that the pre-scuba gear he is describing (brass helmet) is not a "wetsuit" and you aren't going to have water of any kind pumped into it.
ReplyDeleteBut it's still funny.
The injection of a little bit of knowledge on a subject always stifles a perfectly good conversation based on mutual ignorance.
ReplyDeletethat's still funny as hell.
My Dad was a Navy hard hat diver during WWII. Chris is right. Wearing just the helmet - you'd drown.
ReplyDelete@kx59 - I can't enjoy most movies; I seem to be unable to turn off my critical faculties once the anti-physics gets too loud. I can deal with fantasy (magic) if it is internally consistent (the rules don't change to fit the plot), but science fiction (my first literary love was Heinlein - I was 8 yrs old) needs to have actual *science*, dammit. At least pretend to finesse things like inertia, gravity, etc. Say some magic words like Impulse Power or Warp Drive; otherwise, don't expect me to blithely accept making turns in a vacuum that look like WWII dogfights. (Suggestion: have the spaceship shaped like a globe - or a cube, lol - so that thrust can be applied in any direction in order to change vectors. But, noooooo. Mostly they look like the fantasy space ships I doodled in elementary school, before I got all sciencey.)
ReplyDeleteI used to work for the Parent company of Global Divers.
ReplyDeleteThis may be total BS. It may be embellished for effect and simplified for civilian understanding.
They are a real commercial diving outfit.
It does not say what depth was or how long he was down for decompression.