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Monday, June 24, 2019

Meanwhile, in Oregon, At Phil and The Wifley Unit's Compound.....







One night Phil awakes to a terrible noise coming from next door. Scrambling down stairs, he looks out the window to see his neighbor's wife struggling with a Syrian refugee.

 It was a knock down drag out battle to the death!

 Then with a resounding, CLANG, the Syrian is knocked to his knees. 

The neighbor raised the handle over her head, again and again. Each blow delivered with a hollow thud and a CLANG! 

 Finally the invader breathes his last. Frantically she drags her dead attacker to the driveway; and with great effort, finally manages to heave the corpse into the trunk of her car.
Flabbergasted, Phil just stares at her as she tears off into the night.


Two hours later, at the break of dawn, the neighbor returns. Her car freshly run through the local car wash. 


Phil flies out onto the porch, screaming at her in a maniacal rage. "I saw everything you fuckin' bitch! Thought you'd get away with it didn't you? Well you got another think coming! The cops are on the way, and you are going down!"


The Wifey Unit, hearing all the commotion, ran outside to see what was the matter. "Phil! What the hell is going on?"


Phil looks at his wife, and points across the fence to the neighbor. "I told you that bitch stole my shovel!"

 



original names editted by :
;-)
Leigh
Whitehall, NY


because #Phil












18 comments:

  1. Shovel, I thinks not so much, he might have even helped her, now, his little walk behind tractor with the blade attachment that I would believe...

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    1. I can picture Phil using that to bury the evidence :)

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  2. Uhmmm,
    I live in Oregon, and I'd have helped too.

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    1. I'm sure he would have a lot of volunteers :)

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  3. South Dakota, soon Idaho and I would have gone cross country to help. Good friends are nice, Best friends help you hide the bodies..

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    1. I've heard Idaho is beautiful Cederq. How is South Dakota?

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    2. Flat, no trees to speak of, and did I tell ya it was flat? Mosquitoes from Minnesota make forays into this eastern part of the Wilds of South Dakota to stick something strange... did I tell ya it's flat? Snow and there can be lots of it. It is June, I have no idea if my AC works, I have only used the heater.

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  4. That's "you got another think coming."

    "Another thing coming" makes no sense.

    Just tryna help....

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    Replies
    1. According to Merriam-Webster you would be correct.

      Rob Halford would argue otherwise.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtuoFv4dcwM

      Leigh
      Whitehall, NY

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    2. Hmmmm... Dictionary or Halford? What would Phil say?

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    3. Yes, I'll take Judas Priest for a thousand Alex.
      What is,
      You got another thing comin'.
      Never heard it the other way in my entire life anyway.

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    4. If you think....

      You've got another think coming....

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  5. Cederq gave me a heads up earlier that there was something over here I needed to see. I laughed my ass off and tried to leave a comment twice but for some reason my phone and Blogger don't get along. Then Irish sent me a heads up too.
    I'm sitting here in bed reading it again and reached over and gave the wife an elbow andsays to her, you are famous on the internet now baby.
    She ain't amused.
    I think it's hilarious.
    Good job Leigh!!

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    1. Thanks, Phil. I hoped you'd get a chuckle out of it.
      The vanilla version of this was sent to my father, by a friend of his. As soon as I read it, I knew you'd be a perfect fit. As for Mrs. Phil - she is at least internet famous in a good way. :)
      Have a good vacation.

      Leigh
      Whitehall, NY

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    2. An elbow? Not a gentle caress, an affectionate pat on the derriere? Phil, ya been married for too long.

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  6. I am from a small town Michigan, with a lot of friends who are farmers. Quite large farmers, with huge slurry tanks of cow manure, that is automatically washed there from the milking parlor. When you milk 150 cows a day, it generates a huge amount of manure.
    When going through my divorce, one of my friends joked and said I could dump the body in the slurry tank, the manure would digest the body within 3 months, clothes and all.
    Another farmer friend who raised pigs said just drop her off into the pen at sunset, and by morning there would be nothing but a few spots of blood on the ground.
    This is not really fair, I used to worship the ground she slithered on.
    Actually, I am well over h, I have no bad feelings at all. I married a woman with whom I learned that there are no soulmates to find, but together, the two of you become each other's soulmates, through both hard work and commitment. 26+ years later, and 2 adopted kids, we have the kind of marriage that my parents had, and I couldn't be any happier, and wouldn't change a day of my life, even the truly rotten ones, because they made my life what it is.

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    1. In reading this, it wasn't clear that my second marriage is the one that has worked out so well. I had hoped that my first one was the only one, but after 11 years, she wanted out. I didn't want to tie her with a rope and a ball and chain, and so let her go.

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