Thursday, January 24, 2013

Voices in the head...

A guy is at work when he hears a voice in his head.

Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money, and go to Las Vegas.

He ignores the voice, but it keeps coming back.

Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money, and go to Las Vegas.

Months go by, and the voice won't stop.

Quit your job. Sell your house. Take the money, and go to Las Vegas.

Finally the guy can't take it anymore. He quits his job. He sells his house. He takes all the money and buys a plane ticket to Las Vegas.

The second the plane touches down, he hears the voice in his head:

Go to a casino.

He goes to a casino.

Find the roulette table.

He finds the roulette table.

Put everything on 17 Black.

He puts everything on 17 Black. The dealer spins the wheel. It comes up Red 36.

The voice in his head says: Fuck.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets

Adam and Eve said,  'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked  with us every day. Now we do not see you any  more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult  for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a  companion for you that will be with you and  who  will be a reflection of my love  for you, so that you will love me even when  you  cannot see me. Regardless of how  selfish or childish or unlovable you may be,  this new companion will accept you as you are  and will love you as I do, in  spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to  be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal and God  was pleased. 

And the new  animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and  he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord,  I have already named all the animals in the  Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this  new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created  this new animal to be a reflection of my love  for  you, his name will be a reflection  of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'  

And Dog lived  with Adam and Eve and  was a companion to them and loved  them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged  his tail.  

After a while, it  came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and  said, 'Lord,  Adam and Eve have become filled  with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks  and they believe they are worthy of adoration.  Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved,  but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create  for them a companion who will be with them and  who will see them as they are. The companion  will remind them of their limitations, so they  will know that they are not always worthy of  adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a  companion to Adam and Eve.  

And Cat would not  obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into  Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were  not the supreme beings. 

And Adam and Eve  learned  humility.

And they  were greatly improved.

And God was  pleased..

And Dog was happy.  

And Cat . .  .

  didn't give a shit  one way or the  other.