On Mom and Dad....

 

   It's been a long couple weeks for sure.  

Mom is a strong woman from French Canadian stock. Her 86th Birthday was earlier this week

and she had to spend it in the hospital. 

 

Back on Thursday May 6th she was concerned about getting her license renewed. She still

likes to get out to the market and the dollar store to get essentials. When she got home in the afternoon

she called me at work and excitedly told me she passed her renewal test and she got her license.

Friday afternoon May 7th she called and asked if I could stop by to check on my Dad.

He has been suffering with the curses of old age which, as many know, is such a sad situation.

Alzheimers, dementia , sundowners, confusion.

Mom and my brother have been caring for him for the past two years as he has slowly declined.

I talk to Mom on a daily check-in and sometimes will get Dad on the phone for a bit. Sometimes

it would take a minute and he would be coherent and other times not so much. I would visit 

as time allowed.

The Friday I stopped by Dad hadn't been out of bed for a day and I think Mom calling was

for me to give her the confirmation that it was time for home care or adult care facility.

I spent time with him, he was uncomfortable but didn't really have any specific issue he 

could identify.  Mom and I talked later about the next phase.

Over the weekend of the 7th and 8th Mom started coughing and had congestion. I spoke with her

both days and she sounded sick but "it's just a cold".

 

Monday morning my Brother called and said he took her to the hospital. She was

admitted and tested positive for Covid. My Brother did the lions share of taking care of Dad

over the weekend but said Dad had a cough as well. Other family members close to Mom

and in the healthcare industry told me it would be best to call for an ambulance to transport 

Dad to the hospital due to Mom not being at home.

Monday, in the afternoon he was admitted and tested positive for Covid and had "covid" pneumonia.

Everyday I spoke with the nurses for each of them to get updates. They were all very pleasant

and comforting. Since both of my parents had covid , visitation wasn't allowed.

 

During the past week, Mom, physically was getting better, but mentally depressed as to being 

stuck in this "god d**m" hospital room in an uncomfortable bed and getting no sleep.

Speaking with the nurses, I pushed to get her released as the atmosphere was debilitating

more than the illness.  They had various disciplines check on Mom and all agreed she

could be discharged but still needed portable oxygen and will get a visiting nurse each day.

 

Yesterday I picked her up and was a bit shocked at how frail and old she looked.

We gathered all her stuff and I loaded her into the truck and brought her home. She cried

when we rounded the corner to the house. I cried.

 

I stopped in front of the house to unload her and all the supplies and she complained that a 

light was out in her front lamp. "Mom, you got more shit to worry about than a bulb"

"I know, but what will the neighbors think?"

"Who gives a shit" I replied

We laughed

Then she said what I had been avoiding.

"What are we going to do about Dad?"

"It's not good and now's not the time" I replied, "We can discuss it later"

 

Getting her changed and set up in a comfortable chair with her oxygen you could visibly 

see her coming back to life. Her color returned to her face, she had some real food, not the 

"shitty hospital crap" and the light returned to her eyes.

Rewind a couple days to Wednesday the 18th. 

I received a call from Dad's Dr. He had been stable for awhile but the pneumonia was

back.

During his stay they were not able to give him a feeding tube and he was not able to swallow

without choking. This was something that started happening at home in the past few months.

His Dr. was extremely caring and compassionate as we discussed options and the 

outcome of the chosen path.  It was decided to keep the IV and antibiotics and we discussed

the possibility of an "emergency event". As difficult as the words were to say I said

"Do not resuscitate, Do not intubate". We chatted more and his demeanor was very calming

and understanding. I reached out to other close family members and all were in agreement

to this path.

Yesterday, early afternoon at work,  the Dr. called again with an update and explained that 

Dad was "uncomfortable".

I told him I was going to discharge Mom and get her home. My thoughts were to hopefully

get her well enough to go see Dad before the inevitable.

I asked the Dr. if they could administer something to ease his situation and I needed to focus

on Mom. 

While tending to Mom at the house the hospital called again. Dad was not doing good.

We talked about care and comfort only at this time and moving him to hospice at the hospital.

I told the Dr. I will be there in 20-30 mins to see him. He said he looked forward to meeting me

and would change the protocols.  As I got in my truck 20 mins after that call my phone buzzed.

again it was Dad's Dr.  " Hi John, this is Dr. *** I'm sorry to tell you this but your Dad has 

passed".  We talked a bit about the next steps but I couldn't carry the conversation. We agreed

to talk today.

I left to get the prescriptions for my Mom and clear my head. 

A few calls to other close family members it was decided to wait until today, after Mom rested

and had a good night's sleep in her own bed, that I would tell her the news. 

When I returned from the pharmacy she was doing really good. 

I set up a plan with her and my brother for that meds and the oxygen and told them to expect

a call from the visiting nurses.

I was hoping to not have to tell them about what had transpired an hour ago.

There was the sinking feeling in my stomach , as I sat there, that she would call the hospital to

check on Dad.

"What are we going to do about Dad?" she asked.

"It's not good Mom"

I told them, through tears, what had happened and I let her and my Brother digest the news.

We all cried.

Through the tears, the talk turned to all the stuff they did taking care of Dad and the funny situations 

that would arise sometime.

I explained the whole situation and how it came to be.

The Dr. had told me there were two nurses in his room when he passed. They were

preparing to change the protocol to the "care and comfort" we had chosen and never 

got a chance. I have solace knowing he wasn't alone in a cold white hospital room.

We agreed to have a clergy member to visit with him and administer last rites.

Today I will call the funeral home.

Looking back with tears in my eyes it was actually a blessing how this all transpired.

Dad would have been in assisted living or hospice sooner than later.

Mom, if she didn't get covid, would have been there everyday watching him slowly die.

Up until a few days before this all transpired they, my mom and brother, can remember

him the way he was. Up eating his cereal and bananas. Watching the same TV show.

Reading the paper, over and over. Asking my Mom "How long have you worked here?"

 

Thank you my friends, It has helped me to write this down.

Good bye Dad, I love you. You're at peace now.

Mom and Dad this past December,