First off, thanks for all comments on the Friday post including the cloud back up as well as the Norton password keeper. I will be looking into those. Right now I'm still configuring this new set up and, so far, it appears I can access all the data on the original drive. One of the causes may have been that I intterupted an update.
For what ever reason the old desktop would hang up and give the spinning pin wheel on a dark screen.Hours would go by and when I restarted the computer it was fine and the update took. This happened the other day and I thought nothing of it. I rebooted and It started to run fine. Then it would lock up. Finally the Windows 10 diagnositics came up and I ran those. Then the Dell diagnostics ran and still nothing worked.
Kudos to my IT guy that helped talk me off the ledge and the phone support.
There will be some work to get this reconfigured to my liking and preferences.
As far as other things, the world has gone completely insane. It's amazing how many conversations I have had recently with a diverse group of fellow humans regarding this exact sentiment. Even strangers that for what ever reason have engaged in small talk will comment on this once we have done the language dance of feeling out how each other feel. I bring this up because I spent some time with my parents yesterday and Mom went on and on about how nuts the world is.
Mom and Dad are getting on in age and for the time being they are still in our original house from 50 years ago. We have been emptying the attic and she it going through everything to either donate or discard. There is a story with almost every item I packed up and passed down that stairs. Things that have been up there for a loooong time.
Dad didn't recognize me and I had patiently sat and answered the same questions over and over as I had lunch with him. Some days he's fine and other days he's just not there. I am a realist and I know this is going to continue in a downward direction so I try and give Mom the strength she needs to deal with this daily. She can still get out and about when my brother is around the house but she is getting older and tired as well. Her patience after almost 60 years of marriage to Dad is thin.
When I sat down it went something like this:
"Hi Dad"
"Hi" smiling "Who are you?"
"I'm your son John"
"You are?"
"Yup"
"Do you live here?"
"No, I haven't been here in a while" explaining all the places I've lived.
"Who are you ?"
"I'm your son John this is my Mom, your wife. You got married almost 60 years ago and had me and your other son."
"I did?"
She and I laughed at the questions because the only alternative is to cry.
You get the idea and I'm sure many of you have dealt with it. When my Mother's Father got dementia he got violent so they had to move him to assisted living soon after. So far Dad has been Ok and they have their spats about nothing.
Today when I call to check in he may be fine and recognize me on the phone.
What I find to be the saddest part of this disease of old age is how it robs someone of all the memories of their life. All the things my Dad did as a child, as a teen, as an adult. I have heard stories from others that he wouldn't admit to, like rolling over my grandfather's car back in the day.
He joined the Army and served as an MP in Berlin during the Korean war. It isn't clear how he ended up there. When he came home he went to Notre Dame. Back then he used to "thumb" back and forth from MA to Indiana. He played football the first year. He met Mom in the late 50's. Married and 2 kids by 1964. He sold medical supplies for years and we lives in a couple different states. Once he retired he maintained the yard and went to the YMCA with all the other cronies. He needed triple by-pass about 18 years ago after finding out a few arteries were almost 90% blocked. Since then there have been other heart related issues and stents have been put in to help open the passages.
One day he will be gone physically ,as most of his friends already are, but the memories of him and his life will live with me until I pass.
It's a beautiful day out. The sun is shining and the sky is blue... I headed out to do yard work.
I haven't yet joined the YMCA.
Thanks for sharing your day-to-day with your parents. Know it must hurt. All 'girlie-mans' at the Y, don't go that way and get all limpy/wishy-washy on us, your loyal audience. Take care bubba.
ReplyDeleteI understand how it is as my wife's father has the same issue and he is the last in his family at that age. He is living with my brother-in-law and we are many states away. Sometimes he is good, sometimes he can be rambling, and not to often violent. My brother-in-law has gotten my father-in-law checked out in a hospital, and they say there is brain deterioration. My brother-in-law does not expect my father in-law will last much longer as he is approaching 95 years old. It is hard on my brother-in-law and I expect it will be hard on your mother.
ReplyDeleteWife of 28 years retires at,59 ,then gets dementia 6 months later. For 3yrs the longest we been apart is 6 hrs.. Her family I guess are too involved with everyday life not seeing her more than a dozen times in those years. She doesn't travel well,but my family loves when we visit, she's lost most speech but tries to talk about her life. It
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your Dad's condition. My mother had the same. You're about at the mid point of the downhill slide which can go on a surprisingly long time. The repeated same questions can be exasperating at times. When they stop, especially if they are still otherwise healthy, is when the real ordeal starts. My mother's condition came to the fore when she was in her early 80's. Mild at first, progressively worse by small increments. Mom lived until after her 98th birthday, suffering breast cancer at 88, and a heart attack at 92. Yet, she went on.
ReplyDeleteYour mother will need help dealing with your father as this condition progresses. My family was sort of lucky in that our immediate family is large and there were siblings to help, two in particular who rendered heroic service.
My only advice is to start planning now, how to deal with what's to come. If there's anything that I can assist with please let me know. You have my email address.
Nemo
I've got a friend whose wife lost both her mother and father to altzheimers. Hang in there and cherish the good days.
ReplyDeleteI have a similar issue with reboots. My computer (Win10) will shutdown and start fine, but will not do a reboot. It locks up during the restart portion. There are a number of options for how to fix it. Search "Win10 locks up during reboot". However, the fix I chose only lasted until the next semi-annual update. I have found that when it wants to do a reboot to update, use the shutdown function instead. It'll do the partial update during shutdown and finish the update when you start the computer. If this isn't your issue, maybe it'll help someone else.
I am 74 and my greatest fear is not death, but in losing my mind. It's like a living death, my father had dementia and the way I coped was to focus on the good times and remember how he was then. If he were normal we know he wouldn't act that way, being mad a lot about nothing really. My prayers go out to you, I know it's hard to make a post like that about your dad.
ReplyDeleteI guess I was lucky in that my dad lived to 97 (just a few weeks shy of 98) and was clear and lucid with no dementia.
ReplyDeleteBut still to this day, I talk to him.....because I still need advice....
And so far, dementia has not hit me, everything else has, from cancer to now having only a few pieces of metal holding up my spine.
I do survive, for my wife makes damn sure that I do what I have to do every day.
Enjoy your dad, for one day, you will be talking to him for advice.
Joe
I went through my dad's increasing memory loss with him before he passed away. I still remember the last time he recognized me. I made sure that I had said to him everything I needed to say prior to his passing. I don't know if it helped him, but it helped me.
ReplyDeleteI'm following a similar trend with my father but I haven't gotten the "Who are you?" yet. It's coming though. I appreciate your humor in all of this as I know it's not easy. Mom passed 6 yrs ago and I just got off the phone with my sister on what to do with dad. Tough decisions ahead. Thanks for your thoughts! Best to you!
ReplyDeleteIrish, my sympathies. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2015 and we have been in the slow decline since then. My father suddenly what appears to have been a sudden onset of dementia as well in February. We have had to move both of them into assisted living this year. My father does still seem to remember; my mother remembers that I and my sister are related to her but is not really sure how (nephew or brother or son, niece or sister or daughter). I have had that same conversation many times.
ReplyDeleteHey Irish... tough place to be in.. I found that the best time for my Mom to be lucid and have a conversation is first thing in the morning. I call her regularly, about every 10 days or so.( The Pacific Ocean is between her and I). I catch her just before she has breakfast in the Assisted Living center. My sisters and I made sure she has her own phone for receiving calls but can't dial out because she doesn't know the outside line access number. She is 96 with Dementia getting worse. She has been in assisted Living now for 3 years. Our conversations are getting shorter, and for the most part she is on this planet. Fortunately no erratic tendencies and lives with mostly happy memories.
ReplyDeleteWife and I went through this with her Dad mainly and a bit with her Mom before each passed. That has helped me with my sisters dealing with this.
My suggestions are these: Find a time that seems best to communicate with virtually no distractions, speak clearly and slightly slower than you normally would, realize there are times/days when your Dad will be completely off the planet, and make sure your Mom gets some time to herself: Beauty Salon, Lunch out, etc. The Caregiver needs care too.
Thoughts and Prayers for you and all on here with similar issues.
One thing I learned about coping with a dementia patient is don't contradict them and don't say 'don't you remember?'
ReplyDeleteDementia is relativly painless to the patient yet agonizing for the family.
Dad's mom didn't know me at all towards the end, it was sad.
My grandfather passed from starvation- he forgot to eat.
I don't blame the Droctors, RN or the in home care, it was his time.
Staying in the old house as long as possible will ease dads mind, familiar surroundings are a great comfort.
Cherish your memories, record or write down the stories.
I wish I had.
God Bless you Irish.
First of all, I have to admit that I never knew your name was John. You have always been Irish to me. I was luckier with my dad; the body gave out before the mind. Sadly, this is one of those unintended consequences of medical science. We can keep the body alive, but have not yet learned how to save the mind. I did see it with my grandmother, and starting to see it with my mother. There is no good alternative to getting old. Take care Irish/John.
ReplyDeleteAs hard as it is these will be treasured time and memories. I had the pleasure of caring for my parents and in-laws their last days. No mental issues so conversation with them was good so I was blessed. Yes you will carry those memories as it should be. Everyday a question pops into my head and I cuss, Dad would know or so and so would know wish they were still here but such is life. Spend every moment you can with them you will be glad you did.
ReplyDeleteI got this from Borepatch years ago. Helped me through my mothers dementia. Hopefully it'll help you too.
ReplyDeletehttps://youtu.be/E3E5bchW1QM
I've had a glimpse of the horror of watching a loved one slipping into dementia.
ReplyDeleteShe was getting to a point where I was afraid I was going to have to move back home to care for her. I was living 1300 miles away.
I don't know if it was merciful or not but she just dropped dead on my birthday three years ago. I don't know how long the slide downward would have gone and I know watching her go slowly would have killed my soul.
Dementia is such a horrible way to go. I eat a lot of vitamins and proflavinoids to stave off the cellular destruction, but I'm forgetting the names of things easily nowadays, so it has me concerned. I'm only 68, and I'm worried.
ReplyDeleteDad and Mom both died of smoking, they didn't linger too long - no dementia. My wife's parents did the same. Neither one of us smoke or drink, so there's that...
But I am NOT happy with the way she treats her MIL, who IS suffering more and more with dementia. I'm going to be really tearing a trip off of her this summer, she needs to be supportive of MIL and help her FIL to cope with this.
And so it goes.
All great advice. A couple things I have picked up about staying healthy and possibly avoiding or putting off for a few years the slide into dementia, though who knows if these help-or hurt???
ReplyDelete1) oral health-maintain it like it is a million dollar vintage car-the mouth harbors all kinds of bad actors and is not very far from the brain; plaque is said to be harmful in many ways,
2) avoid time release medicines-the time release agent often is a plastic material of some sort that coats the med and has been linked to dementia/alzheimers.
Be extra cautious if your loved one is female and is institutionalized. Mom would always tense up and grit her teeth when the creepy guy in the white coat with the fake mannerisms came into her room. We should have wheeled her out of that facility and never looked back. Won't go into details, as it would mostly be speculation, though she did not have that reaction with any of the other workers there-all female. And yes, I lived in another state, so could not closely monitor what was going on.