From the inbox.... don't blame me.....

I'd just come out   of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large
chips, ear of corn & a jumbo  sausage. A poor homeless man sat there
and said 'I've not eaten for two days.'  I told him, 'I wish I had
your will  power.'

  

A   fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said, 'Sorry
about the   wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it
eventually'.

  

I   walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the
bank. When I   came out, he looked at me and said, 'Any Change?' I
said, 'Nope, you're still   black'.

  

Snow   in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8
inches   tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like
that!

  

A   10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man
passing by   asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this
morning.' 'Oh   bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father
O'Riley for you?' The   boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last
thing on my mind at the   moment.'

  

Years   ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since   nearly all of the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a
bacon sandwich   works   best!

  

Japanese   scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic
shutter speed that   it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman
with her mouth   closed.

  

I   hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look   at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself, 'I'm going to   take   that.'

  

Man   in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a
farmer in the   fields and shouts to him, 'Where am I?' The farmer
looks back up and shouts   back, 'You're in a basket you dumb   shit!'

  

I   had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the
last question   which I got wrong. The question was where do women have
the curliest hair?   Fiji was the correct answer... hell, how did I
know they wanted the name of a  country?

  

I   took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly   found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT
the correct   answers.