Saturday, January 19, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
The Bronze Rat....
A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco . While looking
around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike,
life-sized,
bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat ?"
"Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman.
The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story".
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began
walking faster.
A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay .
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him
faster and faster.
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown .
"Ahhh," said the owner, "You come back for story ?"
"No sir," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.
bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat ?"
"Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman.
The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story".
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began
walking faster.
A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay .
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him
faster and faster.
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown .
"Ahhh," said the owner, "You come back for story ?"
"No sir," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
How old is Grandpa?
Stay with this -- the answer is
at the end. It will blow you away.
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The Grandfather replied, 'Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
'television
'penicillin
'polio shots
'frozen foods
'Xerox
'contact lenses
'Frisbees and
'the pill
There were no:
'credit cards
'laser beams or
'ball-point pens
Man had not invented:
'pantyhose
'air conditioners
'dishwashers
'clothes dryers
'and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
'man hadn't yet walked on the moon
Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . And then lived together.
Every family had a father and a mother.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, 'Sir'.
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.'
We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.
Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.
We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.
And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.
If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk
The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.
Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.
Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.
And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . But who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon..
In my day:
''grass' was mowed,
''coke' was a cold drink,
''pot' was something your grandmother cooked in and
''rock music' was your grandmother's lullaby.
''Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office,
'' chip' meant a piece of wood,
''hardware' was found in a hardware store and
''software' wasn't even a word.
And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us 'old and confused' and say there is a generation gap... And how old do you think I am?
I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock!
Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.
Are you ready ?????
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The Grandfather replied, 'Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
'television
'penicillin
'polio shots
'frozen foods
'Xerox
'contact lenses
'Frisbees and
'the pill
There were no:
'credit cards
'laser beams or
'ball-point pens
Man had not invented:
'pantyhose
'air conditioners
'dishwashers
'clothes dryers
'and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
'man hadn't yet walked on the moon
Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . And then lived together.
Every family had a father and a mother.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, 'Sir'.
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.'
We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.
Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.
We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.
And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.
If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk
The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.
Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.
Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.
And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . But who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon..
In my day:
''grass' was mowed,
''coke' was a cold drink,
''pot' was something your grandmother cooked in and
''rock music' was your grandmother's lullaby.
''Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office,
'' chip' meant a piece of wood,
''hardware' was found in a hardware store and
''software' wasn't even a word.
And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us 'old and confused' and say there is a generation gap... And how old do you think I am?
I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock!
Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.
Are you ready ?????
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
He's not for sale........
In response to E-Mails about my dog..
Please be advised, I am sick and tired of
answering questions about my dog, who mauled Six people wearing Obama tee shirts,
Four wearing Pelosi tee shirts, Two democrats, Nine teenagers with pants hanging past their cracks, Three flag burners,and a Pakistani taxi driver.
Four wearing Pelosi tee shirts, Two democrats, Nine teenagers with pants hanging past their cracks, Three flag burners,and a Pakistani taxi driver.
FOR THE LAST TIME... THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!!!
I'M TRYING TO TALK HIM INTO QUITTING
SMOKING, BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE BAD TASTE OUT OF HIS MOUTH
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Ya, Ya, Ya...I'm Still Here.....
......and now the Irish start their space program....
Thanks to all of you that commented and emailed. Yes I'm still alive. No I'm NOT in Jail or Detox.