Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Color of Snowman Poop, just not as fluffy.....

 I have been dealing with some upper chest discomfort for the past few weeks. It has been like a toothache, kinda there and in the background. I finally decided to make a Dr's appointment the other day to make sure all is hopefully ok. I sure as hell pay enough every month for health insurance so I might as well use it.

One of the things, hopefully, that might be the cause is the Lisinopril I am taking for mild hypertension. I am on a very low dose as of the past 8 months to help alleviate my rising blood pressure.. ain't old age great? One good thing is that I have been walking and dieting so my blood pressure is down and my Dr. said I CAN go off the meds. I hate being on pharmaceuticals.

Needless to say when you google the side affects there are all kinds of issues that could be caused by this drug. Also, everything you type into google causes cancer. I found that out too. "Dry Cough" CANCER! "Chest Ache" CANCER! "Stubbed Toe" CANCER. What the hell?

Anyway, getting on with the story. Yesterday morning I had an appointment for chest xray and upper GI test for my esophagus and small intestine. The xray was for my lungs and brochial passages That was easy but the upper GI was a little more involved. They give you 3 paper cups full of Barium Sulfide  ( white liquid chalk ) and as you drink it they monitor your swallowing and filling of the stomache. After that you have to walk around for 15 minutes as it travels through your small intestine.  It took about 45 minutes for the "liquid chalk" to make its way to the end of the line and every 15 minutes they took images.  I really didn't mind the stuff. I guess it's more important to make sure all is well. 

I was surprised that I wasn't hungry after all this. The test requires that you fast from the night before until after your test. I ended up fasting for the rest of the day and it didn't really bother me.

This leads us to this morning.................




 I awoke before the alarm and did my morning check of the weather, perused a few quick blogs and surfed for the humpday post ;).  Making my way to the bathroom to get ready for the day I started on the King's chair. This is where the day went down hill. It seems that over night my body seemed to double, if not triple, the 3 paper cups of barium~! What the hell? Needless to say it was something I have never seen before, a pile of white snowman poop!  ( We won't discuss the day after St Patrick's Days past)  

Oh well, I had a little chuckle to myself and pushed the handle......... 

The bowl started to fill..........

and fill...

and fill..

....meanwhile the my brain is still logging and categorizing all the "images" that  "we" surfed for this mornings humpday post so he isn't paying attention.

Suddenly, one lowly synapse fires and I grab the top off the toilet tank and pulled up the float valve. Then the sound you dread.....

Water starts flowing over the rim. Another subconscious synapse fires and before I know it my right hand plunges into the bowl....










Now we all know that when you put something into water it will displace that volume of water.
I had no idea that my hand and forearm will displace what seems like 5 gallons of water!!

( You know damn well what I'm talking about when it comes to over flowing toilets
and you know the sound it makes as it hits the tile and starts spreading out in all
directions)

I start scooping and pushing wet concrete white colored snowman poop up into the hole to get the toilet to drain. Mean while I feel like Jack in Titanic when he is handcuffed to the steam pipe and the water is rising up around his neck!! ......  ROSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The water starts draining, thankfully and I breathe a brief sigh of relief. 

I grab a couple towels and start mopping up the water on the floor before it makes its way
through the floor and onto the ceiling in the basement.  

The bathroom floor is nice and clean and I decontaminated in the shower for at least 20 minutes after that fiasco.

My words of wisdom to you.... If you need to have any diagnostics with Barium make sure to courtesy flush at least ten times or go out behind the shed.

My day can only get better.... I hope.

17 comments:

  1. I shit in the yard along with the dog. He loves eating snow, or cat shit

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  2. Now that's the kind of quality information you just don't find on the other blogs! Seriously, that's some funny shit (no pun intended) right there. Thanks for the h/u too, I've yet to endure one of those tests, I'm sure if I ever do this post will come to mind and I'll remember the advice of the Irish!

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad I could save some one the trouble ;)

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  3. A word to the wise is always appreciated... didn't they give you heads-up?
    "Yo Pissed, Ya might wanna consider getting a port-o-potty..."

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  4. I'm surprised that you didn't call it an Obamanable snowmans shit and blame him for that too...

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    Replies
    1. I don't blame Obama for everything.. the whole damn Gov is at fault. Both sides.

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    2. My sentiments exactly also...

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  5. I can't say I would ever reflexively put my hand in the bowl!
    I was cringing as I read your tale - very descriptive!

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  6. Thanks for the "Heads Up".
    I have one scheduled on the eighth of January. Actually, they are going at me from both ends.
    Joy joy.......

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  7. Wait until you are asked to have a colonoscopy. I had to drink a half gallon of laxative on an empty stomach the day before the test . . . Holy Brother of Moses . . . . the torrents of "stuff" that came out were like busting a hole at the bottom of the Hoover Dam. Torrential flow doesn't even come close to describing. A friend who had the test recommended a pack of baby wipes. Boy was I glad I took that advice. Woe, nelly.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Brad..I Think..hahahha

      I will probably get that scheduled and over with as soon as possible. No since in putting off the inevitable. Baby wipes it is :)

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    2. Save time and just jump in the shower, believe me ! It ain't gonna come out in chunks...

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  8. I'm told that colonoscopy prep is worse than the colonoscopy itself.

    I had a full GI study when I was about 10 years old and remember the barium quite well. The nice thing was it was in-patient, so the toilet wasn't my problem, though I don't recall any flushing issues. I'm pretty sure it was before the low-flow flush, so maybe that was the difference.

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  9. I've helped perform the barium GI exam. We had to sample various contrast agents in school so as to ensure empathy with the patient. When the radiological technologist says "drinks lots and lots of water after this" they mean it. If you are the least bit dehydrated, your colon will absorb the water in the barium and you will be left with a colon full of cement. Ask for strawberry flavor next time, too.

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Leave a comment.. Let me know what you think! :)